“It’s Not What You Know; It’s Who You Know”
This is a phrase I can remember hearing for most of my life. Most of the time, it was used in the context of jobs, promotions, etc… But in thinking about relationships, that was really the heart of this phrase. What it is saying is that my status can be elevated by being associated with someone who is in a greater place of position or influence than I am. Ultimately the gain in this is mine. It is something that benefits me. It is the typical way that we have viewed relationships culturally, in the aspect of relationships are beneficial as long as they favor me, but once they begin to cost me, they cease to be useful.
Unfortunately, what happens is that our culture becomes a baseline for how we live our lives and interact with others. Even when Jesus saves us, we still try to fight to make God bow to our culture. Fortunately for us, that isn’t how God operates. His culture supersedes our culture, or any other culture for that matter. This is a painful, yet necessary lesson we must learn as believers. God give us countless examples of relationships and how they are meant to look. In all reality, relationships are tough, but sometimes we make them way more difficult than they should be. In any relationship, you have at least 2 different people bringing 2 different backgrounds from their individual families, and perspectives, among other differences. For instance, in my case, I have spent a lot of my life avoiding hard conversations or conflicts, or even not expressing my feelings or desires, for fear of people leaving. Ultimately this was just an outward expression of a deep inner problem of how I viewed God. My early grasp of the gospel was performance driven, in the sense that, if I was a good person that my life would be easy and I would have the prefect marriage, perfect house, 2.5 kids, and coast relatively easy through this life. What I failed to realize was the scope and magnitude of who God is and what he is truly about.
First and foremost, before I can ever expect to begin to understand relating to others, I need to look at how I relate to God. I need to understand that I am broken and the only thing that can fix me is God, through salvation that comes through Jesus Christ. My opinion and regard that I hold myself in has to be reviewed. I am not the center of my universe. No matter how bad I want to be or try to be, this life isn’t about me, it isn’t for me, it isn’t about living my best life now. No, my life does have a purpose, and that purpose is to Glorify God. Plain and simple. When I read scriptures like Psalm 89:11 “The heavens are yours; the earth is yours; everything in the world is yours-you created it all”, I begin to realize the scope of who God is. The fact is, I need to understand my weakness and deficiencies in order that I may understand His strength and perfection. I must understand my sheer and utter need for salvation, that I didn’t deserve, yet he gave anyways. I benefited from the transaction that took place on the cross.
When I fully understand my propensity to all out rebellion against God, caused by my sin, which drives my desire to control, I’ve learned now what it means to be in awe of a God that knew my rebelliousness and still chose to extend grace through His salvation. I didn’t deserve it. But now, I understand better that because I have the treasure that can never be taken from me, that is eternal life, and I understand because of what sin is, what my penalty should have been, I do not live in lack. I’ve been given the most precious gift. So if God can extend his grace to us through his son Jesus, and the death, burial, and resurrection, how much more should that drive us to people to extend the same grace that has been given to us. We have to understand that our hearts drive our behaviors, and there are deep roots in our lives, that as we walk through this life as a believer, God will continually be exposing area’s in our lives that need to be touched by the truth of His word. I never felt safe interacting with others because ultimately I had a bad view of God that I placed on him based off of my circumstances and situations, but when God saved me, and as he has began healing those areas, he has taught me how to better have relationships.
First, he has taught me that if you expect to foster deep relationships on a Sunday morning, you are fooling yourself. Sunday mornings are a beautiful opportunity where we get to come together as the body of Christ, to worship corporately, the true and living God. Sure I’ll have some conversations, but I can’t effectively interact with someone, deeper than surface level, through a 5 minute conversation. As I read the scriptures and I see Jesus’ relationship with the apostles, and I see the early church in Acts, I notice some lessons that we can learn. I see people that were not stingy with their time. I see more importantly an involvement in daily life together. They had conversations, meals, work, ministry, etc… Real relationship involves time investment.
Secondly, real relationships include transparency. If you can’t express your feelings, positions, hurts, struggles, and life with people, then how will you ever be able to relate. We are imperfect people, and as believers, while the power of sin is broken, the presence is still evident. Unfortunately, we’ve been taught that it is our reputation that matters, it is our strength that gets us through and that if other people know us, that they would be appalled. What I have come to realize is that I am not worried if you are appalled by my sins and flaws. I am weak and dependent upon God, and I have the opportunity to walk out my life with a God that knew my sin and stain and still chose to save and forgive me, paying a price that I could never pay. I also have the opportunity to walk that out in a body of believers that were destined for the same place that I was, and have been ransomed by a God who chose to save us even still. But ultimately, if I can’t be transparent with God, I’ll never be transparent with others, and news flash, I can try to hide from God and not be transparent, but he already knows. He’s sovereign and he knows everything.
Thirdly, relationships take effort. They require investment. They require commitment. The will even require discomfort. My relationships don’t stop at me. Everything that I am will be a part of that relationship in some fashion. My friendships will know my kids and wife, because they are a part of my life. My relationships will be intertwined with my faith because that is who I am.
So ultimately, the phrase we started with, well it actually does have some merit, but we just need to look at it from a different angle. It is who we know, or better yet, it is the one who knows us, that changes hearts, and allows us to know himself and others, and continually teaches us through his word and through connection to his body. Relationships are complicated, but at the end of the day, our relationships horizontally will always try to replace the relationship vertically with God, if we allow them to. Relationships are a gift from God, but those relationships aren’t meant to give you meaning and purpose, but merely to be an avenue that points you back to the only one who can give you satisfaction. As a part of the body, we are placed in relationships with fellow believers around the world, and locally in our congregations. Every part has meaning; every part has value, all working together to glorify God. Sometimes the relationships that we want, may not be the relationships that we end up with, but in all things, we need to view them as the are meant to be, gifts from God that are just a means to point us back to his Glory and what we have in him.
